Now that I've entered the second half of my life, I often find myself looking back and reflecting on an era of my life that won't come back. In particular, this refers to my teenage years, a time when the wheel could sometimes turn quite quickly. Borders were opened and new ones were drawn, whole countries disappeared or sometimes arose anew. History was made and immediately its end was proclaimed. And I was a tiny part of the big picture that was unfolding before our very eyes. Even though I probably understood very little of what was really going on at the time.

When I was a child, the country I was living in and its society seemed to lie under a heavy blanket. But all of a sudden, everything happened very quickly. My homeland began to say goodbye and I was suddenly re-potted. From one day to the next, I was then supposed to be standing on the winning side. At least according to the paper on which all that was written down, partly with hope and partly in a huff, but sometimes also quite hoarse or hangovered and definitely rather hastily.

A world was supposed to open up to us, of which we only had a rudimentary idea. But that didn't stop us from curiously testing out our new freedoms and expanding our horizons. Even if many things only happened in small steps and in guided tracks.

Were we dreaming? For that we were probably much too busy trying to live. The many possibilities that were supposed to exist for everyone remained hidden for a long time or were simply hidden too well. At least for me. On my sky there was no one who painted big visions. Nor was there a home for the very big dream. We continued to enter the big world that opened up before us full uncertainly, although we more or less skillfully tried to cover up and conceal our feelings.

Nevertheless we were looking for the adventure. The distance was always tempting, but when it finally seemed to be in reach, it actually moved away even further.

There were many crossroads and trails. Too many to know and decide which direction to take. The choice between right and wrong reveals that not everything can be only black and white. But we had no clue of which color it should be in the end. There was far too much fear of making a mistake when choosing a color and being wrong once again. That's why we sometimes left it to others to make the first move and preferred to stay in the background for a little while longer.

But since we were heroes, eventually we all took the plunge and set out to find and take our place around the campfire. Everyone had to find their own way to get there, and we were careful not to drift off in the wrong direction. Unfortunately, some paths turned out to be rather dead ends or rather bumpy roads that gave us a bit of a shake and slowed us down. But at least we were taking the ride and grew with it. Some faster and some slower.

In any case, we have changed. Life has hardened us and above all taken away our carefree spirit, which used to sleep inside us. Past experiences have taught us to weigh things up and to back off. We have learned to make compromises and also to live with them. Although this was not good for our illusions and dreams.

Now we are exactly where our life has taken us. We will probably never know whether we have already reached our destiny or whether it will never even come into sight. We have already turned down many opportunities, or we didn't even notice them in the first place. Many doors had already closed before we even stood in front of them. Looking back, we can now partially see where and when we took a wrong turn. But since life is a one-way street, you can't just go back. Even standing still is difficult, at least for a longer period of time. We continue to move forward, and again we will not be able to do everything right. Good for the ones who have been paying attention. They don't always have to repeat their mistakes, and hopefully this time they'll manage to take the right direction and stick to it.

Missed chances will not come back, but there will be new opportunities again. The fire that once burned within us may be only a thin flame at the moment. But with the right spark, we may be able to get it to really blaze again soon.

The little boy I used to be has grown up, but he is still far from being there. And that's why he continues to take on quite a lot and hopes that at least some of the dreams he is growing will one day become reality.

PEACE !