Hi dear all, it's a pleasure to write here.

There is a trending topic of a deceased very popular 42-year-old female Gospel minister in Nigeria, by name Osinachi Nwachukwu. She died last Friday,the 8th of April, 2022,after some chest related kind of problems she has been treating. However,her husband is currently in police custody because, there is proof that he regularly beat up his wife severely. She being a popular music minister has had car gifts given to her,the jobless husband would forcefully eject her off the car at times and drive home with the children whilst his wife is left on the road looking for public transport under the weather elements that can be tough in Abuja Nigeria. Even in her hospital bed he came to ask her for her YouTube login details, so he can have unconditional access to her account ofcourse for the money she gets there. Already every money that ever gets to Osinachi due to her singing duties,all comes to her husband's account and he has complete monopoly over how it is spent.

The interesting thing is that Osinachi will plead,even kneel down to beg people who are close to her family, who happen to spot the husband's violence against her, never to tell her Pastor. The husband has slapped his wife on set before and the producer,a man, was shocked and right away here was Osinachi pleading with him not to escalate the situation, not to tell her Pastor. She will always tell such people that she's praying for her husband to change, so they should never tell anyone. Her mother is full of sorrow today as she wants justice served.

A former male colleague of mine, gave a reply to this trending issue: "Its sad, women nor dey understand say not all Men can stand their mouth. I am against voilence against women... but women should learn to control their mouth. But we should also speak of voilence against Men. It Happens..."

A female former colleague of mine replied him saying :"There is absolutely no reason for any adult male or female to raise their hands on another adult. Nagging, cheating, whatever. No reason. If you cannot stand them anymore leave their space."

She also added, "Go ahead and speak."

This is my reply with reference to her message. I think her message complements the man's message, basically different sides of same coin.

Please dance with me.

Who is more likely to err on the side of physicality? Who is more likely to err on the side of speech? The Man and woman,respectively.

The counsel for the man is never hit your spouse no matter what.

Same counsel goes to the woman— never go to extremes with your words,no matter what.

The locals here,wil say "leave woman o,u know say na only mouth dem get, na mouth be dia power".[cut the women folk some slack,they don't have strength for a physical fight,like the men,so they use their mouth]

Then I reply, "dat their "power" so, e nor get control?"[Can't their tongue be controlled?]

The Bible straitly commands children to honour their parents, then the next line it says the parents(infact Fathers) shud not provoke their children to anger.

I wonda why it is says Fathers. It could be alluding to the fact that,it is the men that usually do the physical punishment thing,that can provoke.🙂

However,what's important here is there is balance–children obey parents unconditionally, but hey parents don't think u av d licence to bully them. Balance is key.

So also with a couple. "If hand get control, mouth sef get control"[if the man's hand can be controlled,then woman's mouth certainly can]. It's foolish for a wife to stand on the "a man should never hit a woman" theme and speak very provocative words(including silence or body language). Words can even be more powerful and far reaching than a strong punch.

So what to do?

When it's a men-only gathering we tell the men, hey you are not a beast, never strike your wife for any reason.That's violence!

Then when it's a women-only gathering,we tell them to bridle their tongues. That the tongue can be more hurtful than many slaps. Just because by nature you talk more than a man, doesn't make it okay for you to say just anything to him because you feel offended or something.That's also violence!

Ofcourse there can be an overlapping of characteristics of both sexes, that is where the firm word from my the lady above(my former colleague) for both sexes comes in.

Violence against both sexes in marriage,is no hoax and no one should be downplayed.

Solutions are available though and in Christ Jesus is the best solutions, before and after marriage.

Meanwhile Osinachi's Pastor(who is also a Medical Doctor) who was away in Cameroon on an official assignment when the sad looking event took place, has spoken out officially:

Shalom.

Cheers